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Chris Ford: John Key's Real Top Ten Reasons For Going To New York

Contributor:
Chris Ford
Chris Ford

This week John Key introduced himself to the American people by appearing on the popular NBC TV 'The Late Show With David Letterman.'

This political coup, scored by Tourism New Zealand (of which Key is minister) projected him to an audience of 3-4 million people (about the equivalent size of our population).

Throughout the week, many wits have been hard at work suggesting the real top ten reasons why Key wanted to appear on 'The Late Show'.

Here are just my own suggestions:

10. I wanted to meet Colonel Gaddafi and gain some useful public speaking tips from him.

9. I wanted to say hello to Barack Obama and see whether he wants to come over to my house in Hawaii at Christmas to crack open a can, bring the whanau over and enjoy a sizzle....or something like that!

8. I want to find out who Lindsay Lohan is.

7. I just quitely wanted to congratulate myself on my role in sending Helen Clark to New York after I defeated her last year.

6. I just wanted to try out the new Australian Consulate showers and loo as after all Bill English won't provide any money to fix the New Zealand Consulate ones.

5. I just wanted to upstage Phil Goff who just believes that riding a motorbike will get you huge waves of favourable publicity.

4. It sure as hell beats going on CNN but now where's my invitation to appear on Fox News?

3. I wanted to play the most popular Commonwealth diplomatic game right now of avoiding both Robert Mugabe and Frank Bainimarama at the UN.

2. Hey, I don't want to be left out from going to the biggest world taxpayer paid booze up which is the UN General Assembly!

1. I really didn't want to be in New Zealand right now when Bill English is being quizzed about his housing allowance. Mind you, I could always send him here to be the new ambassador to the UN and I'm really scouting out for suitable new downscale digs for him....is there an apartment still available in the Bronx?

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