Who were the personalities of 2008 and who would you have most wanted to invite to the Christmas barbecue this year ? DAVE WILLIAMS of NZPA goes over the guest list -- and where things might go right and wrong.

Wellington, Dec 17 NZPA - First things first, we are not inviting too many politicians, but we will get them out of the way first. Perhaps then they will go home early.

The best guest for leaving a party quickly and with dignity this year would have to be Helen Clark. New Zealand soldiers thinking of one more drink in an East Timor bar take note.

Miss Clark was at the helm at the beginning of the year but by the end of election night in November she had made way for John Key as prime minister and just moments later stepped down as leader of the Labour Party.

Former money broker Mr Key would be a barrel of laughs regaling us with how he managed to get the country's top job and for the first time was named in the National Business Review rich list, with $50 million to his name.

He can bring the drinks.

Now he is out of Parliament, might we see Winston Peters out of a pinstripe suit and wearing a Hawaiian shirt, shorts and sandals?

The perennial limelighter will want to chew the fat on how he was exonerated after being under the kosh over donations to his NZ First party, and somehow still lost his seat.

The man at the centre of that imbroglio was transport magnate and Monaco yacht dweller Owen Glenn. He jetted back home to testify about the donations, along with a rather glamorous young and blonde assistant, Laura Ede.

Ms Ede almost stole the show, but would not confirm whether or not she was actually Miss North Harbour 1999.

Mr Peters' bugbear and Epsom MP Rodney Hide would also be there, you probably couldn't actually keep him away.

We could all give him stick about his bloody awful yellow jacket -- described throughout the year as making him look like a camp attendant from Hi-de-Hi, or a 1982 Commonwealth Games official.

But could you trust any of them not to overcook anything on the barbecue? Here Laura, you take the tongs.

After the politicians it seems only natural to invite someone they could relate to. Slippery, good at sucking and with a big beak, that would be the 495kg 4.2m female colossal squid defrosted this year.

She took three days to thaw after being frozen when longliners hauled her to the surface last year, she couldn't let go of a 30kg toothfish hooked 1800m under the icy Ross Sea.

The squid was smaller than first thought but revealed the animal kingdom's biggest eye, at 27cm across the size of a dinner plate.

The eye might dominate conversation for a short while but it would eventually turn to the world's financial crisis, credit crunch, meltdown, whatever you want to call it.

For that you would want an overseas guest; the revered former United States Federal Reserve chairman Alan Greenspan, who actually admitted he made a mistake in trusting the free market too much, which unleashed the destructive power of wanton mortgage lending.

Here Alan, have a chew on this squid ring.

For a bit of glamour we are inviting Hayley Holt, professional snowboarder, dancer and girlfriend of All Blacks rugby captain Richie McCaw.

According to Google, her name is now more searched on the internet than one-time supermodel Rachel Hunter. Poor Rachel, now flogging a range of clothes for The Warehouse, she had better come too.

Meanwhile over in one corner with problems other than money and wanting to also look good, is former policeman Clint Rickards, talking to Tony Veitch about getting better public relations.

Television sports presenter and radio jock Veitch was charged with assault after it was revealed he lashed out at his then partner Kristin Dunne-Powell and allegedly paid her $100,000 to keep quiet.

Now a lawyer, Mr Rickards was accepted to the bar after earlier being cleared of rape charges.

In 2008 neither got good press.

Would they want to talk to any journalists (or anyone with a concealed recording device) at the party?

Probably not, but they would love to see Auckland's Peter Low give a lesson on dealing with the muckrakers.

Mr Low stirred things up when he proposed employing triad members as personal security for Auckland's Asian community.

"Use whatever you have on your body. Bite off their ear, bite on their neck -- let them die," he said.

"It's that simple. If someone (is) going to rape you, bite their neck and don't let go. Your teeth can be a weapon."

It would be interesting just to watch him eat.

He then had a crack at those interviewing him: "I don't want anyone trying to twist the bloody tongue -- I kick your bloody arse," Mr Low threatened in one interview.

Also watch the sparks fly when Mr Low sits down next to Dale Evans.

A Kapiti community board member, Mr Evans turned up to a council meeting dressed in a Ku Klux Klan outfit with a sign around his neck that said "its wotz under da hood dat counts".

It was a publicity stunt to draw attention to problems with Kapiti coast water supply.

To keep Mr Evans under control we must invite former Kiwi rugby league hard man prop Kevin Tamati, who revealed this year racial abuse from Australian prop Greg Dowling sparked their notorious sideline punch-up in 1985.

"As always, it's f***ing nigger, you f***ing black bastard. You're no f***ing good for rugby. All you're f***ing good for is f***ing stoushing," Dowling allegedly cooed.

Tamati said he bore no grudge against Dowling and rounded off his recount with what might have been the understatement of the year: "Yeah, it was derogatory."

With that off our chest, we can all pop down to the beach for a pick up game of footy.

On one team will be rugby player Victor Vito, who became an instant hero when he produced two memorable tries in the Wellington sevens final -- comparisons were immediately made with Jonah Lomu.

On the other team would be Sonny Bill Williams, who suddenly left his Sydney Bulldogs rugby league club midway through the season to play rugby in France, at the same time ruling himself out of the New Zealand team.

We can all ask him how he felt when the magnificent Kiwi league team won the World Cup.

After dinner entertainment would have to be provided by Wayne Anderson, singer of songs, whose television show is hard to pick.

Is it a documentary about a deluded man, or a clever piece of work?

Nevertheless, with more hair on his chest than the top of his head, he has a three octave range and Tom Jones covers always go down well.

Finally, after a 14-year absence, a welcome guest will be the Goodnight Kiwi, who returns to our screens in three new animated sequences with Christmas messages.

It has been a long year. Merry Christmas and goodnight 2008.

NZPA WGT dw kn